Okay when reading this, please realize that I am not depressed, and my intentions are not to get a bjillion comments about how my life really isn't that bad. I write this because this really is my journal and I want to someday look back at this and have it portray my "real" Life. So just like everyone else I have those days, weeks and sometimes months that just don't seem to go well. Lately there is really nothing in particular, but it seems like my self esteem has been in the toilet. Like I said I can't put my finger on it. I guess I just feel like a mom robot. Pick up your mess, stop hitting your brother, go to timeout, stop touching that!I know that deep down inside Mikelle is in there, but where? I have morphed into wife and mom Mikelle. Don't get me wrong, I love that I am that Mikelle.I just hope that I haven't completely lost the old Mikelle. Does that even make sense? I am not sure, the jury is still out on that one. I am sure my wackiness is driving my kids and husband absolutely bonkers, but I am glad that they do supply me with smiles and hugs when I need them.
Jaida always has a way to make me think of the good in my life and not to take things for granted. She is really like a little ray of sunshine. It has been fun to have a little girl in our home.
Brock has kept me on my toes since birth and is all about having a good time. He makes me laugh with his funny come backs. Like just last night he was pouting and I went and asked him what his problem was. He turned to me and said, " Mom, I am just sitting here thinking about the way I have been being treated, I am not happy. Not one of you even cheered for me when I ride my bike! I am sick of being treated this way." Really this came out of my 3 year old's mouth. This kid is a classic and a fireball. His prayers lately have been so funny. I hate to say funny, but he almost every time adds a portion that you can't help but giggle. Last night it was Jesus is cool, Jesus is awesome and Jesus kills all the wicked.
Pierce is my peacemaker child. If you are ever down he knows and is right there to try and boost my spirits. He has always been the one to be the most in tune with peoples feelings and making sure everyone is happy. He is a child that reminds me that I should stay busy. Why you may ask? Oh, cause he is the one that is always volunteering me to do things for him, Like make him this pillow. Or with his friends and neighbors. I often hear him say, "oh yeah, you can come over and play my mom can babysit you." He always has some type of project for me to work on.
Now these 2 together are usually a bad mix! Jaida and Brock definitely butt heads. She realizes though that by following him she is bound to have a good time, but usually he is not too thrilled about her following him.
I forgot to post this school picture of Pierce from way back. He is growing up too fast.
The good thing about me being down on myself is usually all it takes is for me to take the time to look for the good in my life, that which I really have so much to be grateful for. I never realized that being a mom would be so much work. I guess I feel guilty that I never appreciated my mom more. Sorry mom! Wow, this turned into one big rambling mess! hahahahaha
7 comments:
Girly, just being a girl puts us all in a funk every once in a while. I definitely feel ya. It ususally works itself out after a while. Good Luck to ya. Keep smilin.
Oh, and go get a pedicure. I'm always happier if my toes are pretty. hehehe
um.. amen. haha. I've been in a funk too-- just about exactly as you described it. My mom reminds me that the kids won't be little forever and then things change dramatically... (here's hoping!) though she also insists that I'll miss it. Hmm. ;)
I can't believe how big Jaida is! Is she really in a big-girl bed already? Amazing.
LOVE ya sis. I was in a funk too and I only have one lil munchkin to chase after. You just need you some good ol fashion Utah time to spend time with your sis :) Can't wait to see you. Counting down the days!!!
Love you Mikelle! Brock is one funny kid. So glad you write down all his stuff :)
I totally get you. I've been in a funk for some time and don't know what in the heck is my problem! Some days I feel like who the heck am I and what am I doing. I know that kids make it all worth it in the end or when they do something that melts your heart but all the time before that makes some days killer!
Are you still coming down here this summer? Joe kind of mentioned it in passing and that was the end of it (after interrogating him on details, he couldn't answer any of my questions). . . I'm super excited if you are!
Hang in there. I think you are awesome.
I know I have said this before but I totally love reading your blog because I can relate to you so much! It's nice knowing that I am not the only one that completely feels....blah.
Just a couple of weeks ago we were sitting in church, the boys were fighting over a crayon Oliver was unhappy, and suddenly Oliver threw his bag of snacks. Cheerios, raisins, and chexs went everywhere! Right then and there I had a complete breakdown, and started sobbing.
It's hard being everything for everyone.
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