Here is a picture of my sweet little trooper. You may not know it by looking at her, but this girl really has been through a lot in the last 2 1/2 years. So much poking and prodding, endless doctors visits all for them to tell us they are "baffled". She really is such an example to me of just how amazing kids are. She has been so brave and tough and always trusts in me. She has taught me so much in these last few years.
The last few days I have been reflecting a lot on her journey and how far she truly has come. Sometimes it is therapeutic for me to go back and read my thoughts that I wrote down during the extremely hard times. Sometimes I chuckle to myself as I read them and realize how crazy I may have sounded and how I wrote a whole lot about how I can't wait for this to end. The crazy optimism that I had with each doctors visit and also the extreme let downs I would have after them, when they didn't go as well as I hoped! If it is on thing I have learned it isn't the optimism that I regret, it is the times that I let the negativity get to me. The times that I wanted to just give up, but in those moments I learned a lot about myself. So, really I don't wish any of this away. I really have been shaped and molded and learned so much these last few years.
With all that being said, I still wasn't looking forward to yet another sleep study. I always get anxiety, that part is never easy for me. I feel like a lot of the times Jaida is way more brave and at peace with things than I am. When we arrived this time, she was happy as can be. She kept saying," Mommy we sleep together in the same bed and watch movies?" I would say,"Yep!" and she would reply,"wahoo!" The nurses all know us really well and love Jaida. They are all routing for her to do her best and are always very impressed with her bravery. The nurse this time was our usual one and kept telling Jaida each time she put an electrode on her head how she was putting on her Tangled princess hair. So with each new strand Jaida would cheer with excitement and say, "Mommy I a Princess!" In this picture we were trying to gear her up for the "worst" part of the whole thing.. the nasal cannula and nasal probe. She wasn't very excited about it, but as usual she took it in stride.
I am not sure how, but Jaida had an extremely good night sleep. She didn't seem quite as restless as sleep studies in the past. Maybe it is because she is so familiar with them? I would like to think that it has more to do with all those who pray for her to feel peace. I do believe that Jaida has "guardian angels".
In the morning, bright and early, the nurse came in. She isn't authorized to tell us any information because obviously she isn't a doctor. But I think because they know us so well and really truly want Jaida to be better, she whispered to me under her breath, " Just thought I would share with you that she didn't require oxygen all night!!" I tried my hardest not to shout for JOY out loud, but I wanted too. I tried not to let my emotions get the best of me too. I simply hugged her and walked out feeling like I could conquer the world. That was until I got out to the parking lot, I screamed with joy! Once I got in the car the tears began to flow uncontrollably. I was feeling an extreme sense of gratitude. Right then I prayed to my Heavenly Father and thanked him for this moment. It really was such an amazing moment.
Now, I don't want to get to far ahead of myself because we still don't know all the results of her study. But really if it is just a glimmer of hope or a light at the end of the tunnel. I am just grateful for that. Do I wish and hope that it could mean that she is cured? Sure, but am I going to be devastated if she isn't, no! Because I know that for whatever reason this is what God has planned for her/ us and I am going to try and be just like Jaida and face it with courage and bravery! Here is to a renewed sense of optimism and hope.
